In the mid-1990s, I was part of a small, carefully selected team of non-governmental experts brought in to initiate the first substantive dialogue between the United States and China on nuclear weapons science and arms control. China had recently signed the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty, and its nuclear scientists were engaging in arms control for the first time. These conversations were legally prohibited for government employees. We were received with extraordinary formality and respect. I was usually the only woman on the American side, aside from the translator.

I am lying on a couch, leg in a splint, broken unexpectedly while schussing down a ski mountain. Life plans halt, or at least a momentary pause.  While kicking myself for the accident and trying to accept it at the same time, my spiritual mentor suggests I spend this time to meditate. The question is assigned: “Who am I?”